This is hard. Hard because you have been thinking of how much fun it would be when you have children. How much fun it will be to watch your babies grow up ,to see them get married,have children, celebrate their sweet 16, graduate high school and college.. But In an instant it was all taken from me. A monster took all my hopes and dreams away. What kind of monster hits my babies… a monster who’s a natural born narcissist. My baby girls are my lifeline and sometimes it feels like I’m alone in all this… All anyone ever says is “fight harder” … how can you fight harder when all you have done for the past year is fight. I’m tired of fighting and it not doing anything. I miss my babies,I miss them coming into my bed in the middle of the night just to cuddle with their mama. Some days I feel like I’m all alone and my world is just going to forever be dark and empty.. But,I feel this can only go up from here.